Name dropping.

I love being emo and depressed.

I feel like I can't get out of this little rut either. As much as I would like to and as much as I say I can try, I really don't. If I try I have to be someone I'm not. And I'm not going to do that to myself.

It just sucks because I look at myself in the bathroom and remind myself, I don't have any real good friends. I have friends, sure. I have buddies. People I know and enjoy spending time with, but no real good friends.
Anna - Since I left school we've fallen apart and now it seems she's gotten to.. "professional", "adult", annoying half the time and almost too far away to do anything.
Megan - Had a random falling out and now we barely talk let alone try to get together.
Ariel, Lily, Andrea, Christina, partially Christie - Since day one I've felt disconnected with all of them. Ariel has been kind of the closest to me out of all of them, but I never see and very rarely talk to any of them. I feel excluded and left out constantly and I want to take them all off my Twitter. Reading updates hurt.
Azrael - ...I don't know, I try. Being on the other side of the state doesn't help, but when I drove straight down for his birthday all seemed really good and happy. I really enjoyed it and enjoyed spending time with him until the party actually started and Skyler came out and he was just being himself, but it's not how I am and I felt excluded there too. Now Skyler lives there and he posts LJ's about her all the time and they're all happy and joyful about how much fun all the TWINS are having and sdhgjkfd I get really jealous.

I'm involving myself more into the furry fandom to try and meet new people and gain new friends, but their either weird furries or live too far away to do anything frequent with.


My mom just got an email from a couple who dad and I met in New Zealand. The email was actually a really cute video message and contest to win one of 15 places for a trip for 2 to NZ. After the video I told mom "I'm your 2." She replied with "Uh! And what about MY HUSBAND?!" Which I understand, but.. it's New Zealand. It's me. I looked at her for a moment and went "Do you have any idea how much I'm going to CRY if I don't go?" And got up and left.

She doesn't understand that for the past three years since coming home from my trip there that any little thing relating to NZ makes me cry. It's hard for me to watch anything, it's hard for me to listen to anything and hear the accents and it's impossible to keep from crying for me.

The NZ couple also frequently trips to America to RV the west coast and comes to Washington. Mom and dad were planning to go to Port Angeles one day last week. I just thought it was a normal trip because they tend to do that sometimes. They ended up not going and then told me because the NZ couple were both sick and didn't want my parents to come up with them like that. They were going to go visit the two without me. I have expressed before that I would like to visit them also, and they were going to leave me at home. Thanks mom.


I just can't wait for Warped Tour this weekend. I need a good weekend of shows. Although I'm going to those alone also. I'm sure I will see people, but in general, I'm going alone. I'm just sick of all this. And I don't kow how to get out of it all.